Freak Show

You want strange? You want freaky? You want to say, "Oooooh. Weird." to yourself?

You've come to the right place.

A couple of posts ago I shared my gardening expertise with you - how to garden correctly and the best tools to use. I know, I'm an educator. What I neglected to teach you was the importance of wearing long sleeves no matter what the season.

Because this could happen -

I have around 70 insect bites. They're mostly on my forearms with a couple on my legs. I didn't see the bugs, didn't feel them bite me and I am now on day 18 of being itchy and miserable. I'm on a prescription antihistamine that makes me sleepy and a steroid ointment for the bites.

I look like a freak and the whole family is constantly saying, "Don't scratch! Mom you're scratching!" To which I respond -

"I KNOW I'm scratching. I MEAN to do it. I WANT TO SCRATCH." If I get scars I know I'll regret it but I just don't care at this point.

The older I get, the more I react to insect bites. A split-second mosquito bite - I can watch it land and kill it immediately - will swell up and bother me with weeks of itching. In the back of my mind I wonder if this is a progressively worsening allergy of some kind. Like, one day I'll get a bite and go into anaphylactic shock.

My family will end up on 20/20 saying things like (sobbing), "We BEGGED her not to scratch."

I just wish I knew what kind of bug it was so I could spray the living crud out of my yard with gallons of poison watch for it.

In the meantime I'll wear long sleeves and drink plenty of Mike's - a known cure for gardening ailments.

Here's another thing -

This is the area outside our back door. Can you see the freshly turned dirt around the plants? I didn't do it. I rarely turn dirt if I can get someone else Duane to do it for me. Actually, the only time I dig in the dirt is when I'm burying our cat's various dead animal trophies with which she regularly showers us.

Anyway, for a couple of days, we noticed the cats just sitting on the concrete, staring at the dirt. We thought it was funny,

"Look at Krissy staring at the ground! What a dorky cat."

Then Duane noticed the fresh dirt - which I didn't care about until I realized something was loosening the soil from underground and the animal doing it was moving toward . . .

. . . the dahlias. They're the small green plants coming up along the foundation of the house.

I started getting worried. I LOVE my dahlias! They are the source of many, many summertime bouquets in our house and they provide so much vibrant color to our yard. If this mole or gopher or whatever ate my dahlias it was going to be WAR.

Fortunately, there was an immediate end to hostilities. We woke up the next morning to this on our back porch . . .

Hello Mr. Dead Mole. I'm so glad you're dead and not eating my plant's roots anymore.

Look at those lethal-looking paws. He's actually kind of cute. Except for the whole dead thing.

Krissy, our fantastic hunter, caught this mole in the middle of the night. And very thoughtfully left it on the porch for us to see. Kitty Krissy got so many pets and treats that day - she's my hero. I don't laugh at her anymore. If Krissy is sitting still watching something, you better believe I pay attention.

Kitty Toby on the other hand, wouldn't know what to do with an animal if it laid down at his feet and said, "Please kill me and use me as a trophy to impress your people".

No, Toby is much better at being a celebrity.

Instead of doing something as crass as killing a varmint, Toby attended Show & Tell. Of course he'll do anything for the kitty treats Katie is holding in her hand.

He's also a veteran. This was his 10th Show & Tell.

"Bring me those kitty treats on a silver platter and make it snappy."

This ends another broadcast of Kogler's Wild Animal Kingdom.