OK, I know it's Friday and you tune in here so I can impart great kitchen wisdom into your lives. You wait all week to see what new and exciting thing I'm making for you.
Well, I have some bad news.
See, I woke up yesterday and before I was even out of bed, I had a headache, which worsened until it was a migraine by lunchtime. I'm not complaining - by migraine standards, mine are pretty easy to take care of. A couple of over-the-counter migraine tablets and I'm good to go. But I knew the migraine was caused by stress, which had been steadily ratcheting up as the week went on. This is my first year, since becoming a mom, that I've found myself away from home more than at home. Practices, meetings, sports - it's the usual stuff that all parents deal with. I'm just a bigger whiner. Plus, I'm a total homebody. I love to be at home in my nest, nesting.
I really should drink more wine.
I realize prayer and taking things to God are a viable source of handling stress, but sometimes I just need an adult beverage to take the edge off, man.
So, back to my excuses. . . .
I saw this last month and have been planning to make them for Halloween and for my kids' classroom harvest parties -
Fossil cookies. Found this little gem in Martha Stewart's October issue this year. Aren't they cool? And how easy could they be? You just take sugar cookie dough, imprint plastic bugs in them and bake. I was IN.
So, I made my sugar cookie recipe and got plastic bugs and spiders at the dollar store. I looked all over for a plastic centipede but couldn't find one. See how cute Martha's is? All those little legs . . .
I made the imprints and got them pretty deep. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.
Then I baked them. See what happened? The bug imprints just melted into the cookie.
Dang it. I need a sugar cookie recipe that isn't so buttery. Maybe shortbread? Will you please try this and tell me if it works for you? You can even borrow my plastic bugs.
So, this was last night. My big fossil cookie experiment had tanked and I needed cookies for 3 harvest parties at school today. That's close to 60 kids.
I was tired, still had the dregs of a migraine and was butt-tired. I didn't want to make more cookies, I wanted to be horizontal. Enter my new best friend . . .
Mr. Lofthouse makes beautiful cookies and he and I go way back. Back to when I was pregnant with Daniel.
I think I was around 7 months pregnant and my neighbor brought me these sugar cookies. From then until the end of my pregnancy, I'm pretty sure I kept the company in business. At one point I called the customer service line to do some major butt-kissing. I was hoping for a) free stuff but mostly b) the recipe. When I taste something that knocks my socks off, I have no shame - I will ask for the recipe. I've done it in restaurants, hotels, bed and breakfasts, friends' homes - you name it.
The point is, if I want something, I'll ask for it. Usually I get it. I'm spoiled like that. Anyway, back to my Lofthouse story.
I called their number and tried sucking up. I flattered them. I had no shame. To the best of my recollection, this is how the conversation went:
"Lofthouse customer service, how can I help you?"
"Um, hi, I'm not calling to complain or anything, I just really like your cookies a lot."
"Oh! Well thank you for your comments!"
"Yeah, um, actually what I want is the recipe because (here's where I played the I'm-pregnant-and-you-should-do-what-I-want card) I'm pregnant and the baby needs cookies."
"Well (laughing), that's really nice but we don't give out the recipe. It's an old family secret."
"Are you sure? Because they are seriously the best sugar cookies I've ever had and I'm your best customer. I'm pretty sure I am. Really."
"We love hearing things like that and we're so glad our cookies have impacted you in such a positive way!"
"Well, mostly they've impacted my butt but I guess I'll just keep buying them. Because if I stop buying them there's a real possibility you'll go out of business."
I've tried valiantly to duplicate this cookie recipe but without success.
Now listen up, if you go buy these cookies, don't look at the nutritional content. It'll ruin it for you. OBEY ME. Just enjoy them, despite the 170 calories, 7g fat, 29g carbs and 17g sugar.
I ate two. They cure migraines.